As challenging and frustrating as this time of Covid has been for many, it has afforded me time and space to create. Time to record, time to play, time to learn more about recording, time to learn more about marketing, and time to savor it all. This process of creating music and releasing it digitally has been rich with unexpected delights.
I always thought I'd be a good mother. I planned on having one child and I knew being a parent would be rewarding and challenging. It never occurred to me I wouldn't be a mother.......until it became pretty apparent it wasn't going to happen for me. At least in the way I wanted it to. While I am open to adoption and fostering, I was not open to entering into a parenting situation as a single mom by choice. I went through a time of grieving before coming to the realization that a child doesn't seem to be in the cards for me this time around.
It seems as though the closest I'm going to come to childbirth is in creating music. I have been experiencing the elation, sense of fullness, and excited anticipation with each of my music release dates. Once released, there is a gradual phase of releasing each musical baby. Each track has a personality, a different experience of being received, and its own set of friends (audience).
Souljourn is not yet released and this baby feels very different. She's very unique. A body of lush and resonant string sounds emanating from a pianist who typically sings best through the piano. I've shared her with many to try and introduce her to streaming playlists so that she'll be heard and shared. Though a few have accepted her, to many she is too loud, intense, and doesn't quite fit the usual paradigm. I am both worried she won't find her audience and proud that she is a bit of a rebel :-0
So here I am. Like I imagine most mothers feel.....trusting that she is enough as she is. Souljourn came from a very deep and powerful place within me and this voice will somehow find the people who will benefit from hearing what she has to share.
Here's to mothers everywhere. Mothers of humans, mothers of music, and mothers of dragons. Sacred all.